"Do you know how much it hurts!!" She wanted to scream the words, but not a sound passed her lips. She felt the ache inside, eating at her, hollow lonliness creeping through her bones. She closed her eyes, slowly forcing the pain under control, binding it away. When she opened her eyes, tears glittered there though they never fell and she went on, cloaked in her shadows and control.
Far in the back of her mind echoned the phrases that beat at her walls. Over and over again she had walked these paths. Councilor, confidante, advisor, strongarm, protector, friend...so many descriptions, so many anxious to borrow her strength. She had no choice but to give, it was her nature. Give and give until there was nothing left, until they were prepared to move on into other's arms and other's lives, freed from any conditions but a lost memory of someone they once knew.
She walked through the wedding line, remembering....seventeen years of memories and dreams. Her expectations for him and belief in him had flowered. He had become all that she knew he could, all the things she had loved. She saw that love reflected in his bride's eyes...and in his smile. She stepped before him, straightened his collar, hugged him and set him free. Slowly she turned away, barely hearing his words.
"We'll call you sometime...get together for something."
She smiled a little, slipping further away.
"You know where to find me." She murmured the words softly.
"I'll always be there when I'm needed."
Her unsteady steps took her home...to sit in front of a blank screen, carrying her back to another that needed her. Her fingers lay cold on the keys, and she slowly reached deep inside, past the pain. Words from the soul crept onto the darkness. I love you. I miss you. I will always be there when I'm needed.
It is her truth and her way...her love.
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